We have four books written by Dr Rick Norris & Glyn Morris and published by MHD.
These are available now and are sold via Amazon*
*As an Amazon Associate Mind Health Development earn from qualifying purchases.
How to have a happy separation or divorce:
A Three Phase Approach to Conscious Uncoupling
On 25th March 2014 the film star Gwyneth Paltrow used the phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’ to refer to the process of what you and I might call ‘splitting up’, from her celebrity musician husband Chris Martin. The reaction to the phrase was very interesting and much of it was extremely negative, especially in the UK. In the press Gwyneth was referred to as a pretentious ‘luvvie’ using psychobabble to describe a very painful and difficult life-event.
Conscious uncoupling is a term that was first used by a successful American relationship therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas (1). The fact that the phrase emanates from a female American therapist may be the reason why so many people in the British press took a dislike to it. The phrase does not seem to resonate with most people’s experience of separation and divorce which evokes painful emotions such as sadness, anger and bitterness. For many people separation and divorce involve the practicalities of financial anxiety, an unstable home life and an uncertain future. So when a very wealthy, highly successful A-list celebrity couple separate it is perhaps understandable that in the UK, a nation known for its stiff upper lip, there would be some scorn and derision for a phrase such as ‘conscious uncoupling’.
However, if we can see past the phrase and think about the concept, it actually makes good sense to try to carefully pick apart a relationship that has broken down. Ripping up a relationship damages everyone involved in the relationship: the couple themselves, children, parents, siblings and even the couple’s friends. It also makes it much more difficult to consider a possible reconciliation.
As my dad used to tell me “Doing the ‘right thing’ almost always requires an effort.” But with sadness, anger, bitterness and anxiety forming the backdrop to a separation or an impending divorce it’s often very hard to ‘do the right thing’. However, if we make that huge effort to pick apart the relationship in a calm, kind and dignified manner (CKD), then everyone benefits; and should we decide at any point to give the relationship a second chance it is much easier to try to put the pieces back together again.
I am not an advocate of divorce. Some years ago I was interviewed on an Irish radio station and the woman who was presenting the programme wanted to know where I stood on the subject of divorce when the relationship had become acrimonious, particularly in terms of the potential damage to children brought up in such an environment. My response was that there are only four options. From the best option to the worst option they are:
1.A generally happy marriage
2.A generally happy divorce
3.A generally unhappy marriage
4.A generally unhappy divorce
So, if you can’t have a happy marriage (which is much the best option!) you might as well have a happy divorce.
Think Yourself Happy
Stress, anxiety, and depression are more common than ever before. When the 21st-century dream is to have it all – high-powered jobs, happy families, exotic holidays, a beautiful body, and the ideal home – many minds simply cannot cope if we fail to match up. Explaining why this cycle is so hard to break and exactly what you can do about it, Dr Rick Norris presents advice that you know you should take: accept yourself for who you are, prioritise what really matters, reject notions of perfection, plan for a happier future; and the 6 easy steps that make it all possible.
Think Yourself Happy For Children
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is self-esteem. Those who possess it are grounded and balanced individuals who are comfortable in their own skin; they know they have their weaknesses but they try to play to their strengths; and they don’t get obsessed with either positive or negative aspects of their psychological make-up. In order to help children to become confident and grounded we have to provide our children with the tools to help them develop and the encouragement to make a habit of using these tools regularly throughout their lives.
The Water Carrier
The Water Carrier is a gritty novel about 15 year old Alfie who has a troubled home life and is mercilessly bullied at school, but his world is about to change. Together with his friends Leroy and Ami, Alfie discovers the secret life of the school caretaker from Croatia; Tomo Bilic. Alfie persuades Leroy, Ami and Bilic to help him with his dream of becoming a star footballer and the novel charts the ups and downs of the journey towards Alfie’s goal, which involves the three friends combating violence, homophobia and racism. The book is an interesting read for young adults, not only is it a gripping story but it also contains valuable lessons in positive thinking.